“Stating your ‘piece’, does not grant your ‘peace'”
When you first become involved in a relationship, the work it takes to accept someone as your significant other will always be much easier then maintaining your actual relationship. Respecting your partner, compatibility, and maintaining a strong communication with each other is all a part of the work. But what about the times that you don’t necessarily agree? How do we handle when our partners don’t understand why we do or want something a certain way? What about when backgrounds collide, or when personal history prevents a new progression? We need to come to terms with the next stop together. But it isn’t as easy as one may think.
It is not a word taken lightly. Trust me. I struggle with it myself in my own relationship! It actually takes a lot of work! And we have to find a way back to the core road of respecting your partner, remaining compatible, and providing each other with a strong and consistent communication. Those attributes all seem great when things are butterflies and rainbows, but when things get hard, it can be very easy to cross those lines. And don’t worry, you’re still human if you do.
Let’s start off by saying that compromising takes both parties. You can’t state your piece and walk off into the sunset by yourself. And yes, I say “piece” instead of “peace” because you both haven’t gotten to that part yet. The work you put in will eventually transition the relationship itself. Just saying what you want will simply not get you what you want. In other words, stating your ‘piece’ does not grant your “peace”.
Of course when we get angry, upset, or frustrated, it’s very hard to feel heard emotionally. So a tendency to spill those feelings verbally onto one another can be common. Things like: “You never do it the way I want”, “Listen to me, I always turn out right anyway”, or my personal favorite, the short and classic: “You just don’t get it”. We’ve all been guilty to use at least one of these during those frustrating times. But I decided to dive in a little bit deeper and figure out the differences about what is considered an issue of compromise, and whats something you shouldn’t even have to?
When it comes to the your relationships, one has got to start with the most important relationship of all. The one we have with ourselves. It’s easy to get lost in the love and excitement of things, but when stuff gets tough, some core values that should never be compromised is the love we have for ourselves. The needs we require mentally and emotionally from our partners far exceed the temporary situation that’s at hand to compromise. If the issue compromises your core relationship with yourself and crossing the guidelines and respect zones you hold dear to yourself, then maybe the situation isn’t what needs to be compromised. It might possibly be the relationship that needs to be re-evaluated.
But for the every-day arguments that require a less emotional evaluation, let us dispose of the need to always be right. Sometimes, previous experiences will withhold someone’s belief in compromise. “I want to go now. You said 7PM last time, and we were late.” Instead of pointing fingers or referencing the past, try these methods next time for a better outcome:
- Explain to your partner why something is important to you. It allows them to be responsible of their actions along with keeping in mind your emotional response to the cause.
- Being aware of your faults makes you less susceptible to repeat them ignorantly. Try to see your partner’s point of view without ego, but with understanding. Sometimes our wants deceive our actions and project in stubborn and immature behavior when we don’t get our way.
- Use words like “I was hoping we”,”I am feeling like”, “I understand your point of view”, in order to address comprehension of the issue but still explain how you feel about it without insulting your partner.
- Forgive with condition. We are all human, and have arguments with one another. Have an open heart, and compromise with meaning. You won’t always get what you want, but remember that its you against the problem. Not you against each other.